Saturday, July 25, 2009

--- SHATTERED DREAMZ ---

Now That I've posted some blogs ...I am now entering into the province of 'THOUGHTS'

You might be wondering what i meant by thoughts eh?? well its simple, from now on I'm no longer gonna be dealing things in a formal way....entering seriously into deep issues within me ...

Entrance examinations have made a hell lot of change in my life...All my dreams were shattered ..i was on the verge of a mental breakdown...whatever hopes i had about my future came crashing down on me!!
I was questioning myself at the end of it all...What had gone wrong??

The thing that hurt me more is that I was really serious with my studies..but the results don't show the exact amount of hard work that I had done.

The main reason can be attributed to the change in schedule of examination due to the Elections.

But what reason can i bring forward regarding my poor show in Board examinations???
Nothing....no reasons...

I was totally confident about my results , about my performance in board examination...but all that was shattered once the results were out...still wondering what went wrong for my Board preparation...

Looking back now...I think I could have enjoyed my school life ( especially my last two years at school ) in a better way...no use lamenting over it now...I think I gave a bit more importance to the ( sucking ) advices that the teachers gave us in schools , than what was needed..I wasted all my precious moments in my school life pretending to be a serious / intellectual / good boy in school...always controlling my in mind's call to enjoy life....

I ended up being a looser ....yeah that is what I've become ...

I should have listened to the advices by my friends ....should have enjoyed a bit more i guess...

All is not lost...although I had no slightest of chance of getting into a Govt: college I could manage to enter into a reasonably good college via a management seat....while meritorious students study there for mere Rs 6200/- annually ... my parents will ahve to spend a whooping 65000/- per year...
What a difference....now that there's REAL chance for the fee i.e the management fee to increase ( given the stand taken by our education minister is in that way ) its gonna be a real problem for my parents.

The thing is this..apart from the tution fee that my parents would have to pay...they will have to give me my allowances also rt!! so thats gonna cost them a hell lot!!

Just imagine a teenager entering into his college life ...unable to be true to himself!!
yeah that's the kinda situation to which I've brought myself to!!
Never had i imagined that this sort of situation would come to me!!...feeling ashamed of myself now!!

If i had worked a bit more in the last couple of months before entrance ....the things would have been entirely different!!
I could have easily asked for my needs directly to my parents then!! what a jackass I am!!
Finding oneself in such peculiar situations is not all joyous :(

I am in a really pathetic mood now...that's why I ended up writing such a blog...
But what to do.. This is my present situation now!!

2 comments:

rayray said...

cool blog man

Sreehari Nandakumar said...

Thanks for your encouraging words...

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